Children - a blessing to have/not have

[MrBishop]

Perhaps a contentious question, but one that my personal advisor brought up to me this fine blustery afternoon.

Some of us have children, some of us do not. I am speaking directly to those who are not 'blessed' with the little mon...er...angels.

Is it situational? - you're not in a relationship, or your current relationshop isn't strong enough to bring children into it.

Is it personal? - Do you not like children, or the thought of yourself (or partner) as a parent?

Is it physical? - can't have kids though you've tried
(Bonus question) - have you considered adoption/surrogate motherhood/in vitro fertilization?

So... ?

 

[unclehobart]

Situational. The scuttlebutt I hear down by the watercooler is that I would need a female of the species to initiate a mating ritual after banishing all of my belongings to the garage in lieu of potpuorri, pictures, and lacy doilies all over in order to begat said future tax deduction. To date, my plumage, dance, and ritual cawing have yet to attract a suitable victim..er.. mate ..er ..screw it... victim.

Insofar as adoption goes: I keep asking after all of the lasses whom are between the ages of 17 1/2 and 21 if I can adopt them. Sadly, the socio/legal requirements for such a foster home apparently require a Porsche and a briefcase full of money.

 

[BeardofPants]

I'm not a people-person. I'm career (well, not at the moment) - studies orientated. I stress VERY easily, and I don't particularly like kids. Besides, I lived a good few years with an Irish family, and they were devil spawn (aged 3, 5, and 12.)

It REALLY bugs the shit out of me when mothers come along and patronise me when I say I'm not having kids. Does anyone else get that?! Anyway, I guess it all ties in with my phobia of suburban bliss - marriage, kids, white picket fence. Ergh.

 

[BeardofPants]

Sadly, the socio/legal requirements for such a foster home apparently require a Porsche and a briefcase full of money.

Better start working on the fat and bald thing then.

 

[Kawaii]

Forever wild, i want to be, forever wild.../Queen reference

Don't have any, prolly won't get any. Maybe adopt a daughter. I always wanted to raise a daughter, i got a score of 848 in Princess Maker 2 after all... But my wife going through labor and all, nah.

 

[Ms Ann Thrope]

don't have 'em and never wanted 'em...never did...never will...

As a child, playing 'house' with my friends, I was always the daddy...I wanted to go to work and then come home to dinner and a clean house.

As a teenager I was completely disinterested in relationships and children. Marriage and happy-ever-after were Hollywood constructs that didn't exist. I'm still not sure I believe in them.

As a young adult I found myself in love with someone desparate to start a family. I began to think that I could go through with a pregnancy, etc, because I loved the bastard that much. Luckily for everyone, he dumped me and I never had to have a child I didn't really want. I wonder how many families get started that way? Not a healthy burden to place on a child, and what an out-of-balance partnership between the adults....

Having passed 40 and being blissfully single, the possibility of my starting a family is next to nil. No interest in adopting or playing foster parent either. My life is full, and raising a family is just one of many things I'll never experience, and that's perfectly ok with me. I understand when people see that as a selfish position, -- I've never had to sacrifice time, money or sleep because of my responsibilities to anyone but myself. However, I can't help but wonder at relatives who say I should have had children because 'who will take care of you when you're older?' As if there's any guarantee of that....

I have friends with children and without children. I wouldn't say that any of them are happier than the other...They have all made conscious decisions to live their lives the way they do. Raising a family is an impossibly difficult task; unless you feel 100% certain that you want to go through with it, it's better for all concerned, ESPECIALLY THE CHILD, if you take a pass on the experience.

 

[SexyBoo]

My status is situational. I'm not in a strong enough relationship to even consider bringing children into the picture. I see so many women think that this actually improves things - when it frequently runs the risk of making their relationships much worse (and totally screws up the kids in the process). There's not much worse than a child having to deal with fighting/unhappy parents to make him/her clingy, rebellious, or in the extreme cases - really screwed up.

I would like children one day (I think), but right now I just try not to think about it.

 

[greenfreak]

I've never wanted kids and thankfully, my boyfriend doesn't either. But I have to say, I've never heard of so many people my age or older who don't want kids either. I'm surprised, really.

I never had the motherly urge, the want of them. I said that to my mother once and she laughed and said, "I never did either, don't let that stop you."

Seriously though, I don't want the responsibility if I don't know that I could be a completely devoted loving good parent. Aren't there enough shitty parents and unwanted kids out there? Why add on to that? I don't think I would be, if I'm not all that enamored with having them in the first place.

And when I see/hear kids in public having tantrums, behaving badly and I see the apathetic parents who just don't care, or who are too exhausted to act, I don't ever want to become that. There's nothing wrong with parents being proud of the suffering and unselfishness they go through with their kids but there definitely is something wrong with them looking down on people who aren't parents because they didn't go through it or don't want to.

I get that a lot, the incredulous look, "You DON'T want to have KIDS??? Why?!" like it's expected. If there were more people out there like us who didn't do it just because it was expected or a last ditch effort to save a marraige or because our religion says we should, there would be a lot less unwanted or neglected children. I have 8 neices and nephews, they are the kids that I enjoy, without compromising my feelings on having them myself.

On that note, I wouldn't be a proud Aunt Tiesha if I didn't point you to my website for pictures of them all: www.greenfreak.net

 

[Oz]

I'd like a family one day.

When my friends and I reached that dreaded age (14-18) a lot of them started having kids.......and freely admited that a lot of the preganacies were accidental. In an out of character act of maturity, I decided to always be careful and wanted to wait before unleashing my spawn on the world.........randomly I chose to wait until I was 35 until I started a family (at 15 I thought that 35yrs would be the age of maturity. Ha!) ....... I've never seen a reason to change that plan

 

[Inkara1]

SOMEDAY, I'd like to have kids. Emphasis on SOMEDAY. SOMEDAY is a lot different than RIGHT FUCKING NOW, and one of the main issues between me and Brandi is that she couldn't understand that. "How long are you going to make me wait? Five years? Ten years?"

 

[Urlysis]

Definately situational on my part. I've been with my current girlfriend fro about 8 months. However, if she doesn't get rid o' me we will eventually do the whole family thing.

 

[IDLEchild]

Have kids solely for the pupose of emotionally sccaring them and then laughing at their misfortune.

oy maybe love them and whatever.....it isn't hard being a good parent. Kids are precious for the first 3 years....after that dump their ass.

 

[Gonz]

I never had the motherly urge, the want of them.

My wife & I were gonna raise Ferrari's until the day she said "I'm pregnant". My response, "well, I guess we're gonna be parents". She's since become the mother of the neighborhood/school. No inkling to parent became a flood of parenting.

Point is; have a life, have fun, travel, get nasty, get educated, get thrown in jail (overnight only recommended), party 'til it's next week. Then, get married & then have kids, if it happens. You'll be surprised.

 

[Ms Ann Thrope]

Point is; have a life, have fun, travel, get nasty, get educated, get thrown in jail (overnight only recommended), party 'til it's next week. Then, get married & then have kids, if it happens. You'll be surprised.

No, I'd be angry, and the kids would be messed up. Just because it worked out to a happy ending for you and your wife doesn't mean that it would be that way for everyone...

**wonders why people raising families cannot conceive of a happy and fulfilled life without children**

 

[Gonz]

then have kids, if it happens

 

[tonksy]

**wonders why people raising families cannot conceive of a happy and fulfilled life without children**

i can understand MAT...i love my children more than anything...but it's not for everybody. some people just don't want to or shouldn't have children. it shouldn't be a character flaw...hell, it's your life.

 

[Squiggy]

I'd like a family one day.

One day families are too easy. They don't count.....

Interesting you should ask this question, Bish...I think I'm pregnant....hopefully, its just gas.

 

[freako104]

mine is a few things.


i am not ready to be a father.
i am not in a relationship at all
i dont think id be a good father but that doesnt mean i wont love my kids and protect them. im not really sure how to act around kids. odd thing is that i used to work in a camp with kids.
i might want kids one day. but since my sis is married and she and her hubby are fincially stable ill be an uncle one day.

 

[greenfreak]

She's since become the mother of the neighborhood/school.

My brother in law's parents (who still call me Patrice after 12 years--everyone else calls me Tricia ) told me that since I had the nurturing gene after being a Paramedic and because I like animals and plants, that I would make a good mother. Yea. Ok. Because that's all it takes; the nurturing gene.

Good mother, I dunno. Awesome Aunt? Yeah, that's definitely me. It helps when the kids live so close and I can see them all the time. I always want to be in their lives and when they get into their teens and want nothing to do with Rusty and I, then I'll have the younger ones. And by then we'll have a house and lots of animals and I'll be fine.

 

[Thulsa Doom]

I get that a lot, the incredulous look, "You DON'T want to have KIDS??? Why?!" like it's expected.

Just respond by asking them to give you one nonselfish reason TO have a child. They always have a hard time with that.