What would you do if...

Vortex

Vortex

New Member
Someone that you've become very good friends with over the last year doesn't seem to want to talk to you because you started oing out with one of their their best friend?

Okay, I realise I sortta whine alot here, but this is something that's really starting to bug me. You see, a year ago, I broke up with my current squeeze at the time, blah blah blah, and somewhere along the way, I landed up becoming like best friends with his friends (*swirls toe on ground* all 6 of them :blush: ) and the former-squeeze got chucked out of the group, and I sortta was his replacement. :alienhuh: Blah blah blah, a year later, I've become VERY good friends with everyone in the group, and the former-squeeze was deemed worthy of being able to socialise with the group again... and one thing led to another, and we started going out again. :alienhuh: (Wait, don't fall alseep here, I need your help here) Well one of my friends is sortta not very impressed by this happening, and I've tried talking to him and see if he want's to talk about it, but he just keeps ignoring him.
And being the person I am, I understand that sometimes people want to be left alone, so I let it be for a while. But now it's starting to bug me that he pretty much doesn't want to talk to me anymore, seemingly all on the basis that I'm back together with ex-current-BF.

*sighs*

Any advice, comments, brainstorming ideas, pointing-fingers-and-laughing-uncontrolably-at-me will be appreciated. Thanks. :)
 
:alienhuh: Okay, well that's what the guys said too... but I'm blind as a bat to those sortta things.

But if that's the case, wouldn't you think that basically throwing a friendship away over something like this is trivial. Shouldn't he possibly look past this & I dunno... be happy that I'm happy, instead of just causing all this grief :(

/me doesn't wanna loose a friend over gaining a BF
:crying3:
 
he fancies you and is gutted. leave him to sort himself out, it might take a while mind.
 
Vortex said:
Shouldn't he possibly look past this & I dunno... be happy that I'm happy, instead of just causing all this grief
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Maybe he can't feel happy for you if he's not happy. As for grief, he just don't want to talk to you. It would probably hurt him more. Sorry for the friend x BF thing, but I don't see any other way. I spent all my life being the best friend for everyone and that din't bring me any inch far from loneliness. The way I see it now: if I'm not good to be your BF I'm not good to be yoyur friend. Buy all the packet or nothing...
 
Hes probably happy that you're happy. But hes sad its not him.... Its a paradox that I know well...
 
AlladinSane said:
if I'm not good to be your BF I'm not good to be yoyur friend. Buy all the packet or nothing...
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Squiggy said:
Hes probably happy that you're happy. But hes sad its not him....
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/me sighs
Maybe that's the case, but if he did like me, he had a year to make a move (or atleast voice it), and didn't, and I know this might sound weird, but in some cases, it's somepeople are just better off being friends, than taking it to the next level... if you know what I mean.
/me pouts
Well I think it's a good enough idea for me to just leave him be for the next while as mentioned before, I mean he's got to write 2 exams this week, and I think maybe if I interupt his studying (cause I want to have a LONG heart to heart to him about this whole thing) he'd get very miffed at me o_O

/me slinks off
 
When you and the previous ex broke up the first time, did you go to this other guy and talk to him about it? Maybe he lent you his shoulder to cry on? If so, and then you just went back to the ex after all that, maybe he's pissed at that. That you would be upset and angry at the ex and then go back to him again for whatever reason? A similar thing happened to me with an ex that treated me like crap and my friends were pissed because I was being so blind, going back to him again and again. I was really being stupid about it because at the time I would rather have been with someone than been alone. Stupid, I know, but I've learned my lesson.

Anyway, if he really does have a crush on you, time might change that. But be careful that if you and this guy break up again that these friends of yours don't deem you not worthy of staying in the group. Sounds like they can be fickle and you might find yourself on the outs just like your ex was if things betwen you and he go bad and the relationship between you and the other guy don't improve.
 
greenfreak said:
did you go to this other guy and talk to him about it?
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Nope. At the point of break up with the ex, I wasn't friends with him, he was still friends with the ex. I just somehow landed up going out places with them (the ex's friends, without the ex being there) and became good friends with the lot of them. I never spoke about my break up with their friend to them, so it wasn't that.

As for the break up with the ex in the first place... well it was more over a trauma than anything, it was pretty stupid really, I mean we hardly ever fought (we sometimes had different opinions on things and discussed eachothers view, trying to swing the other person's POV, but that was as close to fighting as we ever got, no yelling at eachother which I've experienced with others) so in hindsight, we were pretty good for eachother (but don't quote me on that, it might just be some rose-tinted glasses that I don't know I have on speaking ;) )

I've thought about the whole thing if the BF and I break up, but we've discussed this, and if it ever does come to that we can see a break up that's gonna happen, we've promised that we're not going to let it get to a point where we don't want to be friends anymore, adn so that we can continue being friends even after everything. We've done it before, and we can do it again. :)

:hugs: thanks for your advice :D
 
Vortex said:
Well I think it's a good enough idea for me to just leave him be for the next while as mentioned before, I mean he's got to write 2 exams this week, and I think maybe if I interupt his studying (cause I want to have a LONG heart to heart to him about this whole thing) he'd get very miffed at me o_O
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Good, at least you will show that you care about him, which is a good step in saving a possible future friendship. That is more than I could say about a lot of my "friends"
 
AlladinSane said:
That is more than I could say about a lot of my "friends"
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:hug: Sounds like your friends don't value you, even though you are willing to stick by them through thick and thin. :( I've also had "friends" like that in the past, and not sure if this'll apply to you, but I was much happier when I ditch those friends and found people that actually valued me.
 
i'm already "purging" the friendships, but I can't be so harsh in the end. It's not everyone's fault after all. It's just that they have a life and I don't. :hug: back at you, sweetie...
 
Most of what i had to say was already said by AlladinSane and Squiggy.

He'll come back as a friend, maybe in a few months, but he will fall in love with you again :shrug:
 
Squiggy said:
Someone had a crush on you, methinks...
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The obvious explanation, but not necessarily the entire truth:

Vortex said:
and the former-squeeze got chucked out of the group, and I sortta was his replacement.
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Do you know why he got "chucked out"? Maybe he did something to upset the group, and in particular this guy who resents the fact that you decided to take him back? How has this guy been towards the ex since he's been back in the group?
 
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