The Plane

[A.B.Normal]

On a recent transatlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe
storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when
one wing is struck by lightning. One woman in particular loses it.
Screaming, she stands up in the front of the plane. "I'm too young to
die," she wails. Then she yells, "Well, if I'm going to die, I want
my last minutes on earth to be memorable! Is there anyone on this
plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN?" For a moment there is
silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril. They all stare,
riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the plane. Then a
man from Texas stands up in the rear of the plane. He is handsome:
tall, well built, with dark brown hair and hazel eyes. He starts to
walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt



.....One button at a time.



.......No one moves.



.......He removes his shirt.



.......Muscles ripple across his chest.



.......She gasps...



.......He whispers




......."Iron this, and then get me a beer and something to eat."

 

[Inkara1]

Why are women's feet smaller?

So they can stand closer to the sink.

 

[PT]

How many Men does it take to do laundry?



None, it's womens work.

 

[Luis G]

 

[Rose]

 

[Justintime]

aww they're only kiddin, now go get me a beer

 

[tonksy]

what's the useless skin around a mans penis called? a man.

 

[tonksy]

what do men and pantyhose have in common?
they either cling, run, or don't fit right in the crotch.

 

[Oz]

why are women [traditionally] married wearing white?

so they blend with the other kitchen appliances!

 

[tonksy]

what do you call a trustworthy man?
handcuffed.

 

[tonksy]

why do little boys whine?
because they're practing to be men.

 

[Dave]

 

[PT]

Why do men die before their wives?



Because they WANT to.

 

[Inkara1]

If your dog's barking at the back door and your wife's bitching at the front door, who do you let in first?

The dog. It will shut up when you open the door.

 

[HeXp£Øi±]

I guy tells his wife he's going to run down to the corner store and buy a pack of smokes. She says ok so he runs out the door. On the way the the store he stops by the local tavern and upon entering he glances at the bar and bares witness to the most beautiful specimen of a women he has ever seen. Sucking in his beer belly he approaches her and offers to buy her a drink. She accepts and one thing leads to another until he finds himself engaging in the most amazing sex of his life in a hotel at three am. Suddenly realizing what he's done he leaps off the woman and screams "OH SHIT WHAT TIME IS IT?" 3am she says. "Quick give me some baby powder!" The sex godess looks strangely at him and gives him a boittle of baby powder. The man rushes home and before exiting the care dumps baby powder all over his hands. Nervously he exits the car and approaches the front steps with his hands behind his back only to find his wife lurking in front of the door and clapping a baseball bat in her palm. Spotting him she growls, "WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN!?"

HUSBAND: I'm so sorry honey. On my way to the store i stopped by the bar and met a beautiful woman so i bought her a drink and one thing led to another and before i knew it we were having amazing sex and...

(Wife noticing his hands behind his back interrupts) "Let me see your hands."

Husband: "What honey?"

Wife: :"YOU HEARD ME! LET ME SEE YOUR HANDS!"

The husband brings his hands forth covered with baby powder.

Wife: "A-HA!! OUT BOWLING WITH THE GUYS AGAIN HUH!?

 

[AlphaTroll]

Why do men name their penises?
Because they don't like the idea of having a stranger make 99% of their decisions.

 

[AlphaTroll]

A fairy tale for the woman of the 90's.......

Once upon a time in a land far away, a beautiful, independent, self assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat, contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle.
The frog hopped into the princess's lap and said: "Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me. One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper, young prince that I am and then, my sweet, we can marry and setup housekeeping in your castle with my mother, where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children, and forever feel grateful and happy doing so.
That night, as the princess dined sumptuously on a repast of lightly sauteed frog legs seasoned in a white wine and onion cream sauce, she chuckled to herself and thought................

I don't fucking think so.

 

[AlphaTroll]

Life with Men is like a deck of cards
You need a Heart to love them;
A Diamond to marry them;
A Club to beat them;
And a Spade to bury the bastards !!!!

 

[paul_valaru]

Why do women have legs?

so they don't leave a trail like snail.

 

[MrBishop]

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90 percent. ...wedding cake!

What is the difference between a dog and a fox?
About 5 drinks.

Q. How do you make five pounds of fat look great?
A. Put a nipple on it.​

Why did the man cross the road?
He was sick of waiting for the bloody woman.​