One simple question...

unclehobart said:
If she permits the abuse, then she has accepted that she belongs there. If she deserves better, then she will knock his knees off with a cricket bat and toss his shit on the curb.
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That's a different scenario as well. She doesn't necessarily permit the abuse, but may be too afraid to do anything about it and hopes the person will change.

And again, did she deserve to be with with someone like that?:shrug:
 
Afraid? Isn't there like a gazillion avenues to escape a bastard like that? Cops, churches, fucking Dr. Phil? You have to be responsible for yourself (and any children) and say enough is enough and get help. If you can't muster the courage to protect yourself or your children then yes, you do deserve it - the children, however never deserve that.
 
Unless you've been in that situation, you wouldn't know. I've had two of my friends in abusive relationships. It takes a lot of courage to just leave or kick the fucker out. A lot of people think it's that easy, just leave. It's not as easy as it seems. There are women that get seeked out and found and beating even more. They tried to get out, but they were found and beaten twice as hard. Did they deserve that??? I don't think so! Even on shows like Dr. Phil there are stories of women who've tried to escape abusive relationships, got found and killed because they were beaten so hard. Yeah, I guess the woman deserved to be killed by the man that supposedly loved her because she wanted to get away from his abusive ways.
 
My Mother who has all the courage and compassion for her offspring that God graced a bag of stale potato chips had the sense to leave my abusive Father. She is by no means made of stellar stuff.
Staying with someone that beats you because you are afraid that they will beat you if you leave is ridiculous. If you stay you will die. If you leave you have a chance of living and letting your children grow up in a safe environment.
While I have little to no respect for my Mother the one nice thing I can say is that she stood up for me when the abusive strayed from her.
Get out, get out, get out. That's all I can say.
 
I agree that a person should do whatever they can to get out, by all means. Both of my friends have gotten out, are with new people and have never looked back.

I'm just saying, the ones that get followed after trying to make a better life, get tracked down and beaten to death for leaving surely don't deserve that.
 
No, they don't. And saying they ever did deserve it is harsh....but what you abide by you accept and accepting is settling for a certain behaviour and at that point you can expect no other beviour...so in a sense you are saying you deserve it yourself by staying.
 
I think the reason some women who stay in abusive relationships goes deeper than us pseudo-psychologists can argue. The wiring in their heads is different than the wiring in others.

... my two cents.

Error - I'm thinking you are young by the way you are talking - so with that in mind, I can totally understand your frustration. Just know that it gets easier as you get older. Don't take shit from anyone, including any partner you choose to be with.
 
wow.. ok.

Well... all this abusive relationship thing... I disagree with anyone that will say the woman can get out, has x amount of ways to do it, and deserves the crap because she hasn't gotten out.

Some women could leave but with consequences they sometimes don't want to face... fatherless children (I am one, for this reason exactly), etc. But a lot are and have been under the mans control for too long, it's become a mental thing. They don't think "oh this is a terrible life, dangerous, horrible for the kids, must leave." they usually think absolutely nothing of themselves (usually because of abuse) and wont be inclined to see that it's wrong and she needs to leave.

I'm not up for arguing this as I have enough to deal with in my tiny brain...
but as for my problem... for those talking about letting someone lie to you and letting someone do whatever to you is the reason they keep doing it, have you ever been on the other side of that? Have you ever fucked up royally with someone you really love and it's basically the end of everything? Have you never felt like you deserve forgiveness you deserve understanding you deserve a chance? If you've been there, you can't exactly say GET RID OF HIM!.. you wouldn't want to be GOTTEN RID OF, eh?
And as for me being young and not to stress this and all.. yeah honestly what happened to make me start this thread and everything isn't like a big huge deal... he didn't cheat on me or anything... but we did get into a fight about my not trusting him. He apparently expects me to trust him 100% regardless of the past lies and BS.

I do apologize to the guys, general "men suck" statements are lame and I don't usually make them, but I was a bit angry and it just happened. Sorry. :(

It was amazing to see 33 replies today... you people must be REALLY bored! But thanks :)
 
Some women could leave but with consequences they sometimes don't want to face... fatherless children (I am one, for this reason exactly), etc.
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So exposing the children to an abusive partner is the "best/only" alternative :crazy:*handonhip
 
No, but in their minds, as it was in my own mothers, a child NEEDS a father. I've spent the last 9 years of my life without a father, my younger siblings as well. My sister was too young to be affected, my brother doesn't respect women and is abusive, and personally my entire life has been nothing but hell and I do blame him.

It's not a great way to grow up and some mothers know that and at least for a while will have hell with the idea of taking her children from their father. It needs to be done yes. But as I said, it's just one of the reasons she will hesitate to leave.
 
BeardofPants said:
*agrees
So a woman who ends up in an abusive relationship deserves it??
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That is not what I said.

She went looking for that partner & found hm (the reverse is also true). Staying, once the hitting begins, just adds fuel to the fire. People find who they are most suited to be with.

tonksy said:
Keeping in mind that folks do change...or at least they show their true colors. It's all in how you deal with the situation.
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I'd wager almost anything that a huge percentage knew what was what within hours, or days. I'd wager an ever greater amount that the flaws were purposely overlooked. Everybody changes, over a period of time. Rapid change is either evil intent or psychotic. Blinders are virtually always placed by the blinded.
 
he didn't cheat on me or anything... but we did get into a fight about my not trusting him. He apparently expects me to trust him 100% regardless of the past lies and BS.
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The thing here is, if you stay, you have to drop it. You can't become this raging stalker chick constantly freaking out, checking up on every facet of his life and telling him what he can and can't do, which is probably what the issue is here at present. That is wrong, as lying is.

You get over it and stay, in which case anything else ensuing becomes your own damned fault, or you don't get over it, don't stay, and kick the lying dogshit to the curb.
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Yes, I have been there. And he lied again. Now he's gone.
 
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