Halloween/Autumn Humour

A.B.Normal

New Member
One night a beautiful female rushed into a crypt, her lovely face all covered in blood and flung herself into her coffin and slammed down the lid with a snarl of rage.

Pretty soon all the other vampires smelt the blood and began hassling her about where she'd got it. She told them to piss off and let her get some sleep, but they persisted until she finally gave in. "OK, follow me," she said, and spreading out her cloak, flew out of the crypt with dozen other vampires behind her.

Down through a valley they swept, across a river and into a huge city. Finally she slowed down and the other vampires milled excitedly around her, their tongues hanging out for blood.

"Do you see that massive, great lamppost over there?" she asked.

"YES, YES,YES!!!!" the bloodsuckers all screamed in a feeding frenzy.

"Good!" said the first vampire, "Because I *******-well didn't!"






Funny Turkey









.
 

Mare

New Member
Costume Party




A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party. She
got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the
party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she
argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to
bed, and there was no need of his good time being spoiled by
not going. So he took his costume and away he went.

The wife, after sleeping soundly for one hour, awakened
without pain, and as it was still early, she decided to go to
the party. In as much as her husband did not know what her
costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching
her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him.



She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting
around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice chick he
could, and copping a little feel here and a little kiss
there. His wife sidled up to him and being a rather seductive
babe herself, he left his partner high and dry and devoted
his time to the new stuff that had just arrived.


She let him go as far as he wished; naturally, since he was
her husband. Finally he whispered a little proposition in her
ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and
had a little bang.


Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went
home and put the costume away and got into bed, wondering
what kind of explanation he would make for his behavior.


She was sitting up reading when he came in and asked what
kind of a time he had. He said, "Oh, the same old thing. You
know I never have a good time when you're not there."


Then she asked, "Did you dance much?"


He replied, "I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance.
When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other
guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening.
But I'll tell you... the guy I loaned my costume to sure had
a real good time!" :lol2:
 

BeardofPants

New Member
BF didn't get it either. Dumb fuck. :lloyd: ;)

I remember a whole bunch of us (we were 7 year olds) had a crush on this guy called Peter who was a couple of years older than us, so we followed him around school goin', Peter, Peter, Pumpkin Eater...! :lloyd:
 

Starya

New Member
I'm more likely to fly into a lamp-post.


Did I say fly? I meant run, of course. Yep, run. Like, with my feet. Touching ground and all.


:evilcool:
 
Top