Eats, shoots and leaves.

Leslie

Leslie

Communistrator
Staff member
A panda walks into a café. He orders a sandwich, eats it, then draws a gun and fires two shots in the air. "Why?" asks the confused waiter, as the panda makes towards the exit. The panda produces a badly punctuated wildlife manual and tosses it over his shoulder. "I'm a panda," he says at the door. "Look it up." The waiter turns to the relevant entry and, sure enough, finds an explanation.

"Panda. Large black-and-white bear-like mammal, native to China. Eats, shoots and leaves." So punctuation really does matter, even if it is only occasionally a matter of life and death.
Click to expand...

I'm reading this little book about punctuation right now. It's an absolute riot! I highly recommend it for the pedantic among us.​
 
An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand leading a male buffalo with the other.
He says to the waiter:
'Want coffee.'

The waiter says:
'Sure, Chief. Coming right up.'

He gets the Indian a big mug of coffee. The Indian drinks the coffee down in one gulp, turns and blasts the buffalo with the shotgun, causing parts of the animal to splatter everywhere
and then just walks out.

The next morning the Indian returns.
He has his shotgun in one hand, pulling another male buffalo with the other.
He walks up to the counter and says to the waiter:
'Want coffee.'

The waiter says:
'Whoa, Tonto! We're still cleaning up your mess from yesterday. What was all that about, anyway?'

The Indian smiles and proudly says:
'Me training for position in US Congress...
Come in, drink coffee, shoot the bull, leave mess for others to clean up, disappear for rest of day.'
 
I've called billboard owners and advertisers about spelling and punctuation.
I've called local businesses about their sign misspellings. My pet peeve is the word
"congratulations" --- or, as the businesses spell it, "congradulations". *sigh*
 
Yeah, you lost your pedantic (or pendantic as Paul likes to say) membership card after misusing "your" a time too many. :p
 
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