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THE GUYS RULES Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again! Sometimes, we are not thinking about you. Live with it. Do not ask us what we are...

Is that the ONLY time they are watching me? I may have some catching up to do... lol.

Ok first, I HAVE to say sorry to the ladies out there..... but this was SO DAMN FUNNY.... Q - What did God say when Eve jumped into the ocean for the first time? A - It's going to take a million years to get that smell out of the fish.

Older women are like dog poop... the older they get, the easier they are to pick up. A father walks in on his son masturbating and says, “Son, stop that right now, or you’ll go blind.” His son replies, “I’m over here, Dad!” A blonde goes into the dry cleaners to have her sweater...

Q: How can you tell a blonde's been in your fridge? A: There is lipstick on the cucumber

A new priest is nervous about hearing confessions, so he asks an older priest to sit in on his sessions. The new priest hears a couple confessions, then the old priest asks him to step out of the confessional for a few suggestions. The old priest says, "Cross you arms over your chest and rub...

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?" Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your Mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your...

A woman is walking through her neighborhood on the hottest day of the year when she sees a man sitting on his front porch in the shade while his wife is mowing the grass. "Shouldn't you be doing that instead of your wife?" the woman asked. "On a day like today?" the man answered. "Besides, it's...

A guy and his wife are out golfing one day when they come up to the hardest hole on the course; it goes way downhill and you can’t quite see where your drive goes. So they tee off and walk down the hill and, lo and behold, this guy’s ball is right in front of a big barn. The couple looks it...

Next few courtesy of Bob and Tom: A guy asks a young blonde he’s just slept with, “Am I the first guy you ever made love to?” The blonde ashes out her cigarette and replies, “You might be. Your face looks familiar.”

Mad Max - More Rules For Women Number 10: you can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. you can't do both. Pick one. Number nine 9: if you wear a Wonderbra...don't complain when we stare at your boobs. Number 8: peeing standing up is a lot harder than sitting down...

Old one... If AOL Made Cars... Submitted by Don from Mebane 1. The AOL car would have a TOP speed of 40 MPH yet have a 200 MPH speedometer. 2. The AOL car would come equipped with a NEW and fantastic 8-Track tape player. 3. The car would often refuse to start and owners would just expect...

A woman was very distraught at the fact she had not had a date or any sex in quite sometime. She was afraid she might have something wrong with her, so she decided to employ the medical expertise of a sex therapist. Her doctor recommended she go see Dr. Chang, the well known Chinese sex...

Brain-Dead Headlines From the Notebook pages of The New Republic magazine, a collection of some of the world's worst newspaper headlines. Study Finds Sex, Pregnancy Link Cornell Daily Sun Whatever Their Motives, Moms Who Kill Kids Still Shock Us Holland Sentinel Survey Finds Dirtier...

Top ten things you'll never hear a woman say 10. You know, I've been complaining a lot lately. I don't blame you for ignoring me. 9. That girl's wearing the same outfit I am! Cool! I'm gonna go over and talk to her! 8. I'm so happy with my new hairstyle, I don't think I'll ever change it...

I have a Skit froma morning show on a ZIP disk, is there any way to attach it to this thread so it will play? I have no website to host it though.

It was a really long joke, LL, did I condense it too much?

Is it too late to second your nomination, LL?

Guy and a girl where driving down the road in a Ferrari. Girl asks if it can go faster, Guy gives BS about weight distribution, and aerodynamics. But says maybe if it where lighter. They can find nothing to throw from the car, except clothes.... so OUT they go.... still no faster.. Guy says car...

Post your BEST bad joke here. AND REMEMBER THESE ARE JOKES, PLEASE DO NOT TAKE OFFENSE OF THEM.