The Guys Rules :)

[Kruz]

We always hear “the rules” from the feminine side. Ok - well now hear the guys’ side ? These are our rules! Please note ...these are all numbered “1” ON PURPOSE!
:D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D
THE GUYS RULES
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down.
1. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!
1. Sometimes, we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
1. Do not ask us what we are thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, and NASCAR.
1. Sunday = sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport, and no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work. Strong hints do not work. Obvious hints do not work. Just say it!
1. We don’t remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.
1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we’d be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. Check your oil! Please.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. If you won’t dress like the Victoria’s Secret girls, don’t expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it’s genetic.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
1. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” we will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. I’m in shape. - ROUND is a shape.

[Leslie]

where is the laugh smile? :laugh: you get the point :D

[sbcanada]

:D

[Gonz]

#1 says it all;)

[Leslie]

Originally posted by Kruz
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down.

What we've worked out after years of angst about this and things like raising and lowering the office chair for height is "if you want it to be a specific way ie up or down, do it yourself". That way noone has to remember anything, and if you want it, you do it goes both ways. I always agreed with him on "putting it up is as much work as putting it down. Fair is fair. :)

[sbcanada]

Putting it up is harder because you go against gravity... Putting it down is easy, you just tap it and it falls down... so that's why guys are justified in leaving it up. :D

[Shadowfax]

sbcanada, that was one of the most lame arguments I heard in a while :D

Good work :D :D :D

[sbcanada]

;)

[Inkara1]

There's an ongoing agreement in my family's house that BOTH parts of the toilet seat go down. That way, everyone has to do some lifting. It also has the added benefit of keeping the cats from going for a swim. :D

[CoffeePotUnit]

neuken in de keuken :headbang:

[Gato_Solo]

We always hear “the rules” from the feminine side. Ok - well now hear the guys’ side ? These are our rules! Please note ...these are all numbered “1” ON PURPOSE!
:D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D
THE GUYS RULES
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down.
1. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!
1. Sometimes, we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
1. Do not ask us what we are thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, and NASCAR.
1. Sunday = sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport, and no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work. Strong hints do not work. Obvious hints do not work. Just say it!
1. We don’t remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.
1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we’d be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. Check your oil! Please.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. If you won’t dress like the Victoria’s Secret girls, don’t expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it’s genetic.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
1. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” we will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. I’m in shape. - ROUND is a shape.

Read and heed. All still apply, ladies. :D

[tank girl]

:rolleyes:

[BlurOfSerenity]

There's an ongoing agreement in my family's house that BOTH parts of the toilet seat go down. That way, everyone has to do some lifting. It also has the added benefit of keeping the cats from going for a swim. :D

yeah... my family's the same way. drowned kitties is bad!

[BeardofPants]

I'm sure I already posted something about toilet seats... Anyway, the whole lot goes down, like it's supposed to - y'know, to stop flushing miniscule shit all over the bathroom, your clothes, the floor, etc....

[IDLEchild]

1. If you won’t dress like the Victoria’s Secret girls, don’t expect us to act like soap opera guys.

Heh.... :lloyd:

[staffrodore]

I'm sure I already posted something about toilet seats... Anyway, the whole lot goes down, like it's supposed to - y'know, to stop flushing miniscule shit all over the bathroom, your clothes, the floor, etc....

Damn I was going to start a thread on the very same topic. And look, the toilet seat, us guys are doing you females a favour by leaving the seat up, that way we havent peed on the seat and you can see that we even bothered to lift the seat up! It's your job to lower the damn thing. And if it's dark and your worried about sitting on the rim, use the light.

[PostCode]

Nobody bothers to tell me one way or the other about the toilet seat because they already know....I don't give a shit.

[ClaireBear]

On a toilet theme...

How the Hell do you guys miss?

I mean... c'mon yours is... that big in comparison to the loo pan which is... that big!

Guys are meant to have better spacial awareness... and supposedly better at hitting the mark! Yeah obviously if the mark is the toilet seat... the back of the toilet... the floor... the skirting board... the shelf behind the loo!!!!!! :rolleyes:

And do you go...

"oh shit the lino"

Bend your backs and wipe it up? HELL NO! You leave it to dry and smell and stain!!!!!

Now I understand that after certain acts the directional flow can be slightly unpredictable... and if I was involved in said acts that can induce such a reaction then fine... but surely its not the case always! NOT ALL OF THE TIME!!!!

Arrrggghhh!

*CB thinks it would be best not to pay more tham £5 square metre for the bathroom lino in the flat she and her bloke hopes to eventually share*

[Inkara1]

To this day, I'm still in the habit of putting both parts of the seat down, even though I have an apartment all to myself.

[ClaireBear]

To this day, I'm still in the habit of putting both parts of the seat down, even though I have an apartment all to myself.

Well then you'll make a lady very very happy one day...

Except if the lady comes from a family that doesn't put down both... the number of times my drunken naked ass has made contact with the seat top is inumerable! :D

If you're drunk you don't look... you just sit! :blush:

[Inkara1]

Count your blessings. Your ass is cold. It's not cold and wet.

[ClaireBear]

Count your blessings. Your ass is cold. It's not cold and wet.

Oh contrair...

I've actually found wee on the top of the lid before.... *shudder*

I mean what the Hell do you guys do?

Write your names with it like you're holding a sparkler? :rolleyes:

[Inkara1]

You found wee on top of the seat... with both parts closed... meaning he peed on the lid without lifting any of it?

Well... at least he didn't lift the lid on the clothes hamper and pee in that.

[ClaireBear]

Well... at least he didn't lift the lid on the clothes hamper and pee in that.

Or open the wardrobe! Thank God it was his own!!!!! :P Thats not my current beau btw... someone I was seeing a while back

[tonksy]

my ex was so drunk once i had to stop him from peeing on the litterbox.

[ClaireBear]

my ex was so drunk once i had to stop him from peeing on the litterbox.

My Dad once pissed in the dog basket... we all wondered why he was very keen to wash the dog the next day... poor little pup!

[Inkara1]

Was it that cat litter that clumps? If so, I'd think I'd rather have a drunk guy pee in that, since cleanup's easy.

[HomeLAN]

:rolleyes:

Get over it. It's humor.

*Reflects onbce again on his wisdom in insisting on separate bathrooms for self and spouse*

[MrBishop]

On a toilet theme...

How the Hell do you guys miss?

There's a big difference in between aiming a hose at hole from 3 feet away and pouring out a bucket from point-blank range.

That little bit at the end of the penis...sometimes the bits stick together and instead of having one hole..you all of a sudden have 2 or 3..all aiming in different directions. Good luck getting them all in...best chose the one where it's coming out the most and aim with that.

Squirting water into other water causes splashing...that ain't urine on the seat, it's most likely splashed water.

Most guy'll clean up...some won't...I recommend a taser for the lattar :D

[MrBishop]

I mean what the Hell do you guys do?

Write your names with it like you're holding a sparkler? :rolleyes:

Only in the snow m'love :)



*Dont' eat the yellow snow* :swing:

[tonksy]

Was it that cat litter that clumps? If so, I'd think I'd rather have a drunk guy pee in that, since cleanup's easy.
no dude. it was a covered pan. he was confusing it for the toilet.

[SouthernN'Proud]

There's a big difference in between aiming a hose at hole from 3 feet away and pouring out a bucket from point-blank range.




That is priceless! :rofl3:

[Luis G]

You guys are just weird, fighting over the toilet seat being up or down, ridiculous. I wonder if some people get a divorce over something so stupid :rofl4:

Leave it the way you want, if you get to the toilet and it isn't the way you expect it to be (why should you expect it to be in a certain way anyway??) just lower/lift it.

[tonksy]

You guys are just weird, fighting over the toilet seat being up or down, ridiculous. I wonder if some people get a divorce over something so stupid :rofl4:

Leave it the way you want, if you get to the toilet and it isn't the way you expect it to be (why should you expect it to be in a certain way anyway??) just lower/lift it.
yeah. just be happy that yours even uses the indoor plumbing.

[Raven]

Meh I've always been a proponent of the 'I put it down for you, so you can lift it up for me' theory :grinyes:

[tank girl]

Get over it. It's humor.



...exactly

[Professur]

As always, I live by majority rules. When I lived at home with my dad and brother, mum was outvoted, so up it went. When I got married, it was me and the missus, one all. So it was simply a matter of, take it as you find it, leave it as you use it. Now, I'm outnumbered by the missus, V2.0 and mum, so i put it down. But V3.0's in training, and if mum moves to the trailer as planned, that's us back even steven. And once V4.0's outta nappies .... up that bitch goes, and ladies ..... suprise.

[BeardofPants]

To this day, I'm still in the habit of putting both parts of the seat down, even though I have an apartment all to myself.

I don't understand why more people don't. :confused: Is no-one else freaked by the idea of flushing tiny bits of crap all over the room? :alienhuh:

[Winky]

CB I can't imagine where you find guys that aren't potty-trained ?!?
Yes BOP the lid is to be in the down and locked position at all times when not in flight... Jeebus!
-----------------------
WORDS WOMEN USE
******************************
FINE
This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

FIVE MINUTES
If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

NOTHING
This is the calm before the storm.This means "something," and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with 'Nothing' usually end in "Fine"

GO AHEAD
This is a dare, not permission. Don't do it.

LOUD SIGH
This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing"

THAT'S OKAY
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

THANKS
A woman is thanking you. Do not question it or faint. Just say you're welcome.

Send this to the men you know to warn them about future arguments they can avoid if they remember the terminology!



You may not know that many nonliving things have a gender.

For example:

1) Ziploc Bags -- They are Male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.

2) Copiers -- They are Female, because once turned off, it takes a while to warm them up again. It's an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can wreak havoc if the wrong buttons are pushed.

3) Tire -- Male, because it goes bald and it's often over-inflated.

4) Hot Air Balloon -- Male, because, to get it to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under it, and of course, there's the hot air part.

5) Sponges -- Female, because they're soft, squeezable and retain water.

6) Web Page -- Female, because it's always getting hit on.

7) Subway -- Male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.

8) Hourglass -- Female, because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom.

9) Hammer -- Male, because it hasn't changed much over the last 5,000 years, but it's handy to have around.

10) Remote Control -- Female...... Ha! You thought it'd be male. But consider this -- it gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying.

[tank girl]

:crap: I don't think its very helpful to find this type of thing funny and not consider really thinking about why you're laughing about it: this sort of humour plays purely on BASIC, retarded assumptions about cultural stereotypes, such as "masculinity" vs "feminininity": if you feel the desire to reduce yourself to such an overtly ideological opposition and then laugh about it you're really not doing yourself - or society, any favours.

[Inkara1]

:crap: I don't think its very helpful to find this type of thing funny and not consider really thinking about why you're laughing about it: this sort of humour plays purely on BASIC, retarded assumptions about cultural stereotypes, such as "masculinity" vs "feminininity": if you feel the desire to reduce yourself to such an overtly ideological opposition and then laugh about it you're really not doing yourself - or society, any favours.
So I bet you wouldn't find these funny:

Q: Why do women have smaller feet?
A: So they can stand closer to the sink.

Q: If the dog is barking at the back door and the wife is bitching at the front door, who do you let in first?
A: The dog. It will shut up when you open the door.

Q: What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
A: Nothing. You already told her twice!

A group of women met up one day, and decided to forego one chore around the house and insist that the man do it. They agreed to meet a week later to discuss the progress they saw.
A week later, the first woman said, "I decided I wasn't going to cook anymore. The first day, I didn't see anything, and the second day, I didn't see anything. But on the third day, he cooked the best five-course meal I've ever had in my entire life."
The second woman said, "I decided I wasn't going to vacuum anymore. On the first day, I didn't see anything, and on the second day, I didn't see anything. But on the third day, he pulled out the vacuum and vacuumed the entire carpet, and even pulled out the crevice attachment and got the spider webs down from the ceiling and got all the stuff from between the couch cushions."
The third woman said, "I decided I wasn't going to do the dishes anymore. On the first day, I didn't see anything, and on the second day I didn't see anything. But on the third day, I could finally see a little bit out of my right eye."

[Winky]

Yeah what she said!

[chcr]

:crap: I don't think its very helpful to find this type of thing funny and not consider really thinking about why you're laughing about it: this sort of humour plays purely on BASIC, retarded assumptions about cultural stereotypes, such as "masculinity" vs "feminininity": if you feel the desire to reduce yourself to such an overtly ideological opposition and then laugh about it you're really not doing yourself - or society, any favours.
Sorry, TG, but 90% of comedy (maybe more) consists of taking obvious societal observations and then taking them to ridiculous extremes (perhaps it's that you don't understand the ridiculousness?). This fits that definition very nicely. You're taking it way too seriously, it's a joke. :shrug:

[HomeLAN]

Believe it or not, I don't consider the long term societal implications of every little fucking thing I do. Sometimes, I do something just because I enjoy it. Sometimes, I laugh at a joke that I find funny without considering its effect on any societal movements.

At these times, the last thing I need is someone soooo tied up in feminism that she can't see past it delivering a lecture. Go bother someone else, please.

[Inkara1]

Hey! Hey!

Q: Why do you always want to have your wife and mother-in-law in the car with you?
A: Because then you've got the safety of dual air bags!

Q: How many women does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Who cares? Let the bitch cook in the dark!

[Gato_Solo]

:crap: I don't think its very helpful to find this type of thing funny and not consider really thinking about why you're laughing about it: this sort of humour plays purely on BASIC, retarded assumptions about cultural stereotypes, such as "masculinity" vs "feminininity": if you feel the desire to reduce yourself to such an overtly ideological opposition and then laugh about it you're really not doing yourself - or society, any favours.

Strange...when you reply to the 'All men are' type threads, you're much calmer. Perhaps it has to do with blindly following any, and all, things feminist?

[Professur]

As always, I live by majority rules. When I lived at home with my dad and brother, mum was outvoted, so up it went. When I got married, it was me and the missus, one all. So it was simply a matter of, take it as you find it, leave it as you use it. Now, I'm outnumbered by the missus, V2.0 and mum, so i put it down. But V3.0's in training, and if mum moves to the trailer as planned, that's us back even steven. And once V4.0's outta nappies .... up that bitch goes, and ladies ..... suprise.

*rubs hands* and so my plan advances.
Muhahahahahaha



Oh, and Mythbusters did tests on that poop spray. Bogus. A toothbrush kept in the kitchen (under a cover) had exactly the same baterial contamination as a brush left on the toilet tank. Putting the seat and lid down would achieve zip.

[Inkara1]

It would still keep the cat from taking a swim then trying to jump on my lap.

[Professur]

Y'know, I do have to wonder. How many guys here try leaving the seat down when they go? I mean, just how bad is your aim? Does the seat actually need to go up at all?

[Luis G]

Y'know, I do have to wonder. How many guys here try leaving the seat down when they go? I mean, just how bad is your aim? Does the seat actually need to go up at all?

Yeah, I wonder that too from time to time. There's no need to lift it at all, but it feels odd to do it with the seat down.

[Gonz]

From what I hear, it's not the aim part, it's the shaking off part, although some seem to have a problem with aim also.

[Professur]

Well, instead of shaking it, just bang it on the side like I do.

[Gato_Solo]

From what I hear, it's not the aim part, it's the shaking off part, although some seem to have a problem with aim also.

I thought it was the splashing. :confused: That, and it doesn't always come out in the direction you're pointed in. :lloyd: