View Full Version : Two married buddies
A.B.Normal
11/30/04, 11:27pm
Two married buddies are out drinking one night, when one turns to the
other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do. whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. Take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, get undressed in the bathroom, stick my foot in the toilet and pee down my leg to prevent splashing sounds. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up, and yells at me for staying out so late!"
His buddy looks at him and says "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, pee hard into the toilet water, then use the full flush, throw my shoes in the closet, undress in the bedroom, then&! nbsp; jump into bed, slap her on the ass and say!, WHO'S HORNY????!!!" and she acts like she's sound asleep.
Works every time.
:evilcool:
an oldie but a goodie! :lol2:
http://www.tcsn.net/inkara1/seal.gif
unclehobart
12/01/04, 09:36am
full flush?
i don't get it? so if he pleases the woman sexually she won't be mad? why is she mad anyway? did he drive drunk? :confused:
Professur
12/01/04, 11:44am
Tonks .... it's a joke.
Great joke, but another sad commentary on marriage. Why do men bother, when all is seems to do is turn women into asexual nags?
Gato_Solo
12/01/04, 12:42pm
Great joke, but another sad commentary on marriage. Why do men bother, when all it seems to do it turn women into asexual nags?
The same reason women bother, when all it seems to do is turn men into drunken idiots...;)
Not true, if you do it right. Kids can do it to you, though.
Professur
12/01/04, 01:01pm
Great joke, but another sad commentary on marriage. Why do men bother, when all it seems to do it turn women into asexual nags?
No, my friend. Marriage doesn't. Lazy men do. The same as lazy women turn men unto drunkards. Neither is because of marriage. It's because they're bored. Keeping a little fire in your lives (plural. Both people, sharing) can stop that cold. Did ya even notice how many people fuck around these days??? Ever wonder why someone would chase after someone else's filly, when he's already got a good mare at home? Because he wants the chase. And so does she.
Now, if he let his mare stay more wild ....
I agree that it's the fault of the individual to allow himself or herself to get lazy, overweight, and otherwise buy into the notion that marriage means you check your sexual organs at the door after 2-1/2 years. No, it doesn't have to be that way, and it wouldn't with me, but it seems to be the case with many if not most marriages. The divorce rate in this country proves it.
Professur
12/01/04, 02:23pm
No. The divorce rate proves that people are lazy, and would rather replace something than put the time and effort into fixing it. So do new car sales.
Granted, people are lazy, but they're also incredibly stupid and selfish. Many people who get married have no business being together in the first place. They compound the problem by having children. Resentment abounds. The last thing on anyone's mind is sex, at least not with a marriage partner. That's why jokes like the one above are universally understood. No one likes being married, at least not the lazy, stupid and selfish among us. ;)
Professur
12/01/04, 02:44pm
Granted, people are lazy, but they're also incredibly stupid and selfish.
Oh, man. Carve that in granite already.
Many people who get married have no business being together in the first place. They compound the problem by having children. Resentment abounds. The last thing on anyone's mind is sex, at least not with a marriage partner. That's why jokes like the one above are universally understood. No one likes being married, at least not the lazy, stupid and selfish among us. ;)
Now, y'see. Here's the problem. For thousands of years, people got married. Many, if not most, didn't have a whole lot of say in who they married. And somehow, we managed. Children were married at ages much younger than conceivable today. Hell, I knew of one old guy who married at 12, to a 10 year old girl. Got caught be her father in the hayshed. He died a few years back, after 10 years as a widower. Y'know what his youngest son told me his last words were? "I'm here Charlotte". He was 96, and still in love.
So, I simply can't believe that marriage is such a terrible thing. It's what you make it. But he did teach me a couple of things. And the single most important thing (and I've said it here time and time again) is that when you marry, there's no more "Me". It's gotta be "Us".
The greatest problem facing us is that, today, "Me" is being sold. Each and every sales campaign involves "ME". There's no community anymore. There's no neighbourhood. There's no anything, but "Me".
And sadly, if you look at the hottest threads here today .... Really look. What you'll see behind it is someone yelling "Me. Me. Me.". And that throughly sickens and saddens me.
I only think marriage is a terrible thing when engaged in by the aforementioned lazy, selfish idiots. I agree with you. Of the three qualities we've discussed, it's selfishness that I despise the most. (I've met some lazy and stupid people who were otherwise quite considerate.) And it's this "me, me, me" attitude you describe that plagues most relationships. I think, until people can see beyond themselves and their own selfish needs, they should just stay the hell away from each other.
Professur
12/01/04, 03:04pm
But that doesn't address where that "me" comes from. IMHO, it was always there (keeping up with the Jones', the grass is always greener, etc), but why is it so damn much more powerful today than 50 years ago. What changed, and who changed it. Was it advertising? Was it politics? Industrialisation? Home appliances? The car?
Was it something like this that killed off the Egyptians? The greeks and romans? Perhaps even the Sumarians? Are we destined to die off too? Is Rome burning around us while we fiddle?
Wow, who would have thought a silly joke would lead to such probing questions?
I think the "me" attitude so pervasive in American culture comes from all those things you mentioned. Industrialization began the process of disconnecting people from land and, therefore, from a tightly woven family structure. Various political movements have encouraged such things as sexual freedom and individuality, both of which have been reinforced over the years through advertising. Some (like Robert Bork) would argue that radical egalitarianism is what brought us to this point. I tend to agree. Are we destined to die off? Eventually.
But what the heck do I know? I've never been married.
The me additude is probably more of a problem today because we do get married a lot older than we used to. So, there is more time for us to be individuals, to establish who ME is...so when we try to turn into a WE it's harder because everyone is more established as an individual.
Professur
12/01/04, 04:35pm
The me additude is probably more of a problem today because we do get married a lot older than we used to. So, there is more time for us to be individuals, to establish who ME is...so when we try to turn into a WE it's harder because everyone is more established as an individual.
That's ......
That's incredible, Nix.
freako104
12/01/04, 04:42pm
:rofl:
PostCode
12/01/04, 05:54pm
Great joke.
Could we dissect it any further?
:rolleyes:
Could we dissect it any further?
:rolleyes:
Probably, but I won't. :D
oh...maybe she doesn't like sex. oh i get it.
Yep. The first guy's wife always wakes up. So the second guy acts like he's horny, so the wife fakes sleep.
Yep. The first guy's wife always wakes up. So the second guy acts like he's horny, so the wife fakes sleep.
wow...how odd.
PostCode
12/01/04, 11:53pm
wow...how odd.
Like you've never done that? :lol2:
Naw... she would probably reply to the "WHO'S HORNY?!?!?" question with "ME!" :D
Like you've never done that? :lol2:
um no. if i (lord forbid) don't want sex i say so...or at least i would say so. i'm sure i've said so in the past...sometime.
BeardofPants
12/02/04, 01:42pm
I don't think it's the sex that she'd be objecting to, so much as the drunken guy smelling like shit, slurring, weaving, and falling asleep half-way through the act. :shrug:
I don't think it's the sex that she'd be objecting to, so much as the drunken guy smelling like shit, slurring, weaving, and falling asleep half-way through the act. :shrug:
now that i can agree with....unless i'm a drunken girl smelling like shit, slurring, weaving, and falling asleep halfway through the act.
Gato_Solo
12/02/04, 03:53pm
Gee, you ladies are hard to please...we can't fall asleep before, or we're inattentive...we can't fall asleep during, or we're drunken slobs...and we can't fall asleep immediately after because we're insensitive. Just when is a poor man supposed to get any sleep? :D
Gee, you ladies are hard to please...we can't fall asleep before, or we're inattentive...we can't fall asleep during, or we're drunken slobs...and we can't fall asleep immediately after because we're insensitive. Just when is a poor man supposed to get any sleep? :D
i really don't care if you fall asleep after or not...just don't wake me.
That's ......
That's incredible, Nix.
*takes a bow*
BeardofPants
12/02/04, 11:56pm
now that i can agree with....unless i'm a drunken girl smelling like shit, slurring, weaving, and falling asleep halfway through the act.
Well yeah, that's a given, innit? :lloyd:
PrincessLissa
12/03/04, 02:43am
I have reservations about marriage as it is, I don't need all this too. :p
It's still funny tho :D
Without two "ME's"
there can never be a "WE"
save the drama fo yo Mama
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