View Full Version : The "unforgiveable" sin
They say it's suicide. It's a horrible, rotten sin that can't be forgiven.
What makes suicide more horrible than murder - taking your own life vs. taking someone else's life.
Perhaps I don't understand?
paul_valaru
1/23/04, 12:27pm
It's only in christian society that is the worse sin, in other places and times it was perfectly acceptable.
Well, that makes a little more sense. The question was prompted by a lady in the office mentioning something or other to someone else.
Personally, I'd think if you were going to kill someone - might as well do the world a favor and kill yourself. And dammit, get it right the first time.
But that's harsh.
:retard: I keep getting told its a worthy goal...something I should strive for.....
Don't listen to 'em, Squiggy. :D
AlphaTroll
1/23/04, 12:32pm
What is? Getting it right the first time or suicide?
paul_valaru
1/23/04, 12:33pm
:retard: I keep getting told its a worthy goal...something I should strive for.....
nah.
live long and prosper
*slaps self for using trek quote*
I think it's just the sign of weakness that is inherent in killing oneself. You have given up on becoming a worthy member of society. Personally, I think that some people do the world a favor by offing themselves.
suicide is for quitters...unless you have some awful disease that is just gonna ravage your body and make your life miserable until you die....there are times when i hate life and would love for someone to club me in the head with a sledgehammer so that i could just call it quits but that's not what life is about....but life is all there is and i suppose if you can't cut it you can do what you like....even if it does mean you are weak....for me i prefer to think that it's all some kind of test and things have a way of working out and i don't know what tomorrow is gonna bring.
And I will sail my vessel
'Til the river runs dry
Like a bird upon the wind
These waters are my sky
I'll never reach my destination
If I never try
So I will sail my vessel
'Til the river runs dry.
kinda corny...but there you go :shrug:
Ms Ann Thrope
1/23/04, 12:48pm
I think it's just the sign of weakness that is inherent in killing oneself. You have given up on becoming a worthy member of society. Personally, I think that some people do the world a favor by offing themselves.
Yep, I agree. Personally, I think it should it be accepted by society, and not just physician-assisted suicide for the terminally ill. If someone wants to die why shouldn't they be able to take care of it? It's not as if the human race is in danger of extinction. :rolleyes:
Yep, I agree. Personally, I think it should it be accepted by society, and not just physician-assisted suicide for the terminally ill. If someone wants to die why shouldn't they be able to take care of it? It's not as if the human race is in danger of extinction. :rolleyes:
agreed
I know absolutely that I'd not be able to forgive...for example, hubby...
for him to do that to his children because he can't lie in the bed he made would be absolutely unforgiveable.
Ms Ann Thrope
1/23/04, 02:14pm
I agree, it would be painful for the survivors. However, is it any easier for family and friends to be around someone who is always miserable? someone who is always depressed, negative and sees no hope or joy in the world anymore? wouldn't it be better for that person to just "leave"?
whatever a man is, to kids, he's still their daddy, and that's all they want.
Ms Ann Thrope
1/23/04, 02:18pm
whatever a man is, to kids, he's still their daddy, and that's all they want.
My father was my "daddy" and he was unhappy 100% of the time. He hated the world and most everything in it. It has certainly affected me and made me who I am. I don't doubt that I would be far healthier as an adult if he hadn't been around. :shrug:
Professur
1/23/04, 02:23pm
If all your affairs are in order, and you've said your goodbyes ... Make it quick and painless.
but cutting out because of your problems is cowardly. cutting out on your family and kids, is dispicable.
But far and away worse ar ethe ones who can't stand to leave their kids behind and try to take them with him. Often as not, all the kids are dead, and suicide larry botches the job on himself. Usually because cutting your wrists hurts.
Ms Ann Thrope
1/23/04, 02:26pm
If all your affairs are in order, and you've said your goodbyes ... Make it quick and painless.
but cutting out because of your problems is cowardly. cutting out on your family and kids, is dispicable.
But far and away worse ar ethe ones who can't stand to leave their kids behind and try to take them with him. Often as not, all the kids are dead, and suicide larry botches the job on himself. Usually because cutting your wrists hurts.
I agree, don't take anyone with you. However, if you're that miserable and unhappy, END IT! Don't subject the people around you to your constant depression and anger, especially if they're kids and can't leave. :mad:
Well, the alternative to ending it if miserable would perhaps be.. getting help? Sure, some people might be a pain to be around because of their depressed state etc, and they might not want to live anymore. But to say they are welcome to off themselvs makes me a bit queasy.
When it comes to those who leave family-members behind, not having given any indications there was a problem - I fully understand the sentiment that it is cowardly and dispicable. But then, people who do this can hardly be considered sane at the moment the suicide took place, and thus I would find it hard to judge.
Ms Ann Thrope
1/23/04, 02:48pm
Not everyone wants help. Not everyone sees their sickness. I'm not suggesting every unhappy person should kill his/herself. Only suggesting that there are some cases where it should be considered an option. Better to end it than to subject other people to your constant anguish.
I disagree. Well, not on the part that there are people who honestly don't want help or benefit from it. The thing is, many mentally ill will refuse help at some stage. The might get over that stage. They might eventually be helped, and find life worth living. If suicide was an "acceptable" option many might not get to that stage. Then the question is; which is better, for people who could have been helped to die, or for people who cannot be helped to live?
I think this thread sucks...
Aren't you supposed to be deciding someones fate or something?
Its Friday...Judges golf on Fridays....:tardbang:
*Smacks forehead.
Duh....
That was nice of em to give you a three day weekend after staying for one whole day. :D
Ms Ann Thrope
1/23/04, 03:06pm
I disagree. Well, not on the part that there are people who honestly don't want help or benefit from it. The thing is, many mentally ill will refuse help at some stage. The might get over that stage. They might eventually be helped, and find life worth living. If suicide was an "acceptable" option many might not get to that stage. Then the question is; which is better, for people who could have been helped to die, or for people who cannot be helped to live?
Every case is different. There are people who could have been helped who died before anyone could reach them. There are others who continue to take up space and exhaust resources for no good reason. I can't say which is worse. I only know that I have always considered suicide to be a perfectly valid option, and would never hold it against someone's memory if that had been their choice. :shrug:
Did you let them know that Monday is your usual day to pick up hookers?
I only know that I have always considered suicide to be a perfectly valid option, and would never hold it against someone's memory if that had been their choice. :shrug:
Neither would I. If a person is dead he is dead, and I would not let the way he died be the thing I remembered about that person.
Didn't want to do that till I finished negotiating a price with juror 8...If she knows i have a Monday deadline, she'll hold out for a better offer....:retard:
PT - Squiggy - Take it to private messages. ;) Woulda said pms, but that would probably have caused even more ... :p
Leslie - I see what your'e saying. But let's say the dad killed someone else instead of himself, would that be more forgiveable?
AlphaTroll
1/23/04, 03:51pm
Suicide might be the end for that person and yes, we want to remember them as they were in life - hold on to the good memories. But unfortunately by commiting suicide they leave a legacy of pain & confusion too. For the ones left behind it's difficult to deal with the person's death as well as the questions of what you could have done to stop it. It haunts you and I say this because I saw someone commit suicide when I was 9, 17 years have gone by and I still wonder why she did it & what could have driven her to it.
As for whether or not suicide is worse than murder or if you'll be denied entrance to heaven or whatever you believe in because of it, I don't know, it's not for me to decide or judge anyway.
I've got an ex-brother-in-law that commited suicide when his kids were 4 and 1. It was the best thing he had ever done for them...
Ms Ann Thrope
1/23/04, 03:58pm
...But unfortunately by commiting suicide they leave a legacy of pain & confusion too.
something the living bestow upon us as well...
Leslie - I see what your'e saying. But let's say the dad killed someone else instead of himself, would that be more forgiveable?
For the kids? Of course it would....It would still be confusing but at least there wouldn't be those thoughts that they weren't good enough for him to want to hang around...
I think this thread sucks...me too. :eh:
*thinking of bestowing the gift of the suicide thread to my dear friend ris*
Why do you bestow the serious threads (abortion, suicide) with Ris? :curious:
Why do you bestow the serious threads (abortion, suicide) with Ris? :curious:cuz he was dumb enough to want to mod the RealWorld forum *poke2*
AlphaTroll
1/23/04, 05:53pm
Does OTC fund his supply of anti-depressants in return?
Does OTC fund his supply of anti-depressants in return?this is volunteer at your own risk work :lol2:
*edit - maybe it's more like :banghead: or :nuts:
freako104
1/23/04, 06:12pm
i dont think there is supposesd to be one but you cant make amends if you do or something. when you murder someone you can repent. to me it all amounts to bullshit.
AlphaTroll
1/23/04, 06:14pm
*wonders what could possibly have been said to motivate ris to volunteer for the RW job*
I had my veiw of suicide changed dramatically while I taught folks (aged 16-60) with physical and mental disabilities :eh:
Before I took that job I would have said it was the "cowards way out".
While I taught at the college I saw a lot of people who were literally dying from muscular dystrophy, crippling mutliple sclerosis, progressive epilepsy.......you name it (including one 17 yr old girl whose skin was literally decaying off her body....heartbreaking). Then there were the people with both physical and mental problems......folks who couldn't communicate even with the most advanced technology at the time....a lot of these people had lived perfectly normal, healthy lives before various accidents had changed them.
In the year or so that I worked at the college there must have been nearly 50 deaths from illness and long term injury....and I remember quite clearly that there were four sucides.
Do I think these suicides were "wrong" "selfish" or "hurtfull to others"?
No.........because I can't sit here, with my hand on my heart, and say that I would have the guts to live through the kinds of hardships those folks did. :eh:
freako104
1/23/04, 09:21pm
whats odd is mine never changed on suicide even after one of my best friends, Sal tried to take his life. I never forgave myself for going to class when he was at the alcove and i should have stayed. dont get me wrong I dont advocate it under any circumstances but I feel the person should be allowed to make that decision his/herself. If you are going to I will talk you out of it but in the end it is your decision.
But I want to say this:
Suicide is the cowards way out but it is an option
Thulsa Doom
1/24/04, 12:04am
whats the old standard? Suicide is a permenant solution to a temporary problem. There seems to be a confusion of distinctions here. Taking ones life because you are wasting away in a hospital bed or from some terminal horribly disfiguring and painful disease is certainly one thing but putting a gun in your mouth because you have a mental illness called depression is a completely different thing. the fact of the matter is most suicides are done by people who have mild to severe mental illness(es). For the same reason you wouldnt want someone deciding on a life or death choice when they are drunk off their ass (mentally impaired by alcohol) you ALSO wouldnt want them doing this when their rationality is fogged by manic depression or whatever. There are countless stories of people who have almost killed themselves who are now so happy that they are still alive because they realize what a huge mistake they would have made and because they just werent thinking rationally at the time. I really dont think we should be encouraging people to kill themselves if they feel like it. bad precedent.
I knew a girl whos always angry alcoholic father finally shot himself with a shot gun one day in his den. she found the body when she was 12. Did things suddenly become wonderful now that this troubled soul was out of the picture? not at all. the family fell apart and she retreated into an angry self hating shell herself. violent self distruction is NEVER a better choice for the survivers. no matter what the family was like.
now that all being said... ive always kinda felt that suicidal impulses must have some darwinian basis to them. especially if the mentally ill make up such a significantly high percentage of succesful suicides. but i guess i wont explore that any further really. also, is it true that suicide is actually an illegal act? if so who do you throw in jail?
freako104
1/24/04, 02:46am
TD there was a reason I said i wouldnt stop them. I see it as a form of euthanasia. i said I dont advocate it and will talk you out of it. but in the end I will leave the actual decision to the other person. None can make decisions for another person. granted there are laws and whatnot but here is the thing. If the person really wants to and sees no other way they will. And depression can be far more crippling than you know.
A.B.Normal
1/24/04, 03:35am
*wonders what could possibly have been said to motivate ris to volunteer for the RW job*
Someone mentioned a "Job that Blows" and he volunteered figuring the juxtaposition of words was an "American " thing..
I had a cousin hung Himself a couple years ago,his Dad had killed himself when my cousin was just a baby. Suicide is a stupid word IMO thats why I said "killed himself".
AlladinSane
1/24/04, 07:31am
Curious how so few people believe in life after "death".
Back on topic, I thing suicide and murder are equally bad...
Of course, one should also not forget that in many cases people resort to suicide-attempts as a cry for help. In this category the individuals might not actually want to die, but they may very well succeed nevertheless.
My mother almost succeeded with one of her attempted suicides, her method was overdoses. Today, about ten years later she is mighty glad she was found before it was to late.
freako104
1/24/04, 10:16pm
Curious how so few people believe in life after "death".
Back on topic, I thing suicide and murder are equally bad...
I believe in a form of it. now back to teh subject at hand
starya is right in that it is a cry for help. but the problem is that people dont usually talk about it befre they do it, and when they talk about it it is usually cause they need the attention(but that does not mean to take it light hearted nor ignore them).
When I look at people taking their own lives, I generally like sorting it into euthanasia and suidcide itself.
I do feel that people suffering from terminal illnesses should be allowed to take their lives because it would be for the better as it ends their physical suffering.
But if we're talking about suicide in a perfectly normal human being, then I do believe that that IS the coward's way out.
If they need help then they should get help, but if their selfish enough to disregard the people who care about them then they probably deserve it.
suicide is for quitters...unless you have some awful disease that is just gonna ravage your body and make your life miserable until you die....there are times when i hate life and would love for someone to club me in the head with a sledgehammer so that i could just call it quits but that's not what life is about....but life is all there is and i suppose if you can't cut it you can do what you like....even if it does mean you are weak....for me i prefer to think that it's all some kind of test and things have a way of working out and i don't know what tomorrow is gonna bring.
And I will sail my vessel
'Til the river runs dry
Like a bird upon the wind
These waters are my sky
I'll never reach my destination
If I never try
So I will sail my vessel
'Til the river runs dry.
kinda corny...but there you go :shrug:
NOPE not corny AT ALL!!! And Live long and Prosper is a good one too..
(Love that song Tonks!!!!!!!! :winkkiss: )
Some ppl say an eye for an eye!
I say Every dog gets his/her day!
Gato_Solo
1/26/04, 02:23pm
suicide is for quitters...unless you have some awful disease that is just gonna ravage your body and make your life miserable until you die....there are times when i hate life and would love for someone to club me in the head with a sledgehammer so that i could just call it quits but that's not what life is about....but life is all there is and i suppose if you can't cut it you can do what you like....even if it does mean you are weak....for me i prefer to think that it's all some kind of test and things have a way of working out and i don't know what tomorrow is gonna bring.
And I will sail my vessel
'Til the river runs dry
Like a bird upon the wind
These waters are my sky
I'll never reach my destination
If I never try
So I will sail my vessel
'Til the river runs dry.
kinda corny...but there you go :shrug:
Tell that to the Japanese. For them, ritual suicide, though outlawed today, was a perfectly acceptable means of ridding oneself of a great dishonor.
If you are willing to give up everything that you own, everyone that you know, your wife/hubby/SO, your job, everything that touches you emotionally etc...by killing yourself then you should be equally willing to give up those things and people and leave...go into a hospital, get well and leave. No forwarding address, no phone calls or letters home. Give it all away, change your name and start afresh. If after a few years/decades of this new life, you find that you can begin dealing with your old life...then, and only then, should you consider re-contacting people you knew.
Leave a note. Tell them that this is your alternative to suicide and leave.
Killing yourself, or worst yet taking someone(s) with you, is far more harmful than packing up and moving away. It's less work, but if nothing else...life is worth living for.
freako104
1/26/04, 06:36pm
Tell that to the Japanese. For them, ritual suicide, though outlawed today, was a perfectly acceptable means of ridding oneself of a great dishonor.
that was a different time my friend
Ms Ann Thrope
1/27/04, 12:31am
If you are willing to give up everything that you own, everyone that you know, your wife/hubby/SO, your job, everything that touches you emotionally etc...by killing yourself then you should be equally willing to give up those things and people and leave...go into a hospital, get well and leave. No forwarding address, no phone calls or letters home. Give it all away, change your name and start afresh. If after a few years/decades of this new life, you find that you can begin dealing with your old life...then, and only then, should you consider re-contacting people you knew.
Sorry, Bish, but I don't follow you here. :confused: To go and start with a new identity somewhere implies that you still have hope. Many years ago I tried to kill myself, and it wasn't because I hated my family, friends, job, etc. It was because I no longer had any hope left in anything anywhere being better. There was no one and nothing that emotionally touched me; I was numb. Every suicide and every suicide attempt is different, but I honestly don't think most of those who do or attempt to are people that would have the necessary faith to start afresh. They are not interested in new beginnings, only ending the life they have.
AlphaTroll
1/27/04, 01:34am
Natalie, if given the choice now would you go back and do it again?
Ms Ann Thrope
1/27/04, 01:38am
you mean screw up and live? or succeed and die? ;)
AlphaTroll
1/27/04, 01:57am
Succeed & die.
Ms Ann Thrope
1/27/04, 02:01am
To be absolutely honest, I don't know.... :shrug:
AlphaTroll
1/27/04, 02:17am
Well, I for one am very happy you never succeeded at it (thank God you suck at something eh? ;)) and I reckon there are many more people who have found their lives enriched by knowing you at one level or another.
freako104
1/27/04, 02:22am
just curious would you want to?
Ms Ann Thrope
1/27/04, 02:30am
Me? now? probably not.... But as to Alpha's question and my non-response.... 25 years have passed since then with the usual mix of joy and pain, none of which was powerful enough to sway me one way or the other should I have the power to turn back time now.
IDLEchild
1/27/04, 02:49am
that was a different time my friend
The mentality remains. Japan has one of the highest teen suicide rates because those who fail to finish HS there (In Japan HS is actually tough) commit suicide since without a HS degree they are doomed and feel they have dishonored their family. It also has one of the highest 65+ age suicide rate since old folks there feel they get in the way of the society and its progress and many commit suicide out of depression because their families abondon them.
IDLEchild
1/27/04, 02:56am
Reading this thread and peoples opinion in general I find that when people comment on suicide most of them don't know what it is like to be at the edge, to be in that moment when hopelessness seeps in and hope, faith and loved ones are an alien concept and the last thing they think about. How lost and alone they feel and how truly desperate they get, they don't want to die but they see no other way out because what they feel and face at the moment is too overwhleming that it messes with the prudent state of thought.
Saying "Killing yourself is the cowards way out" is so out of place and I said such for too long before others told me of their struggle...it is funny how many have attempted suicide or been in that state of mind for so long but you'd never know it from their smiles and laughter.
No one wants to die or looks at death as an easy way out, no one chooses to feel the way they do when death is on the other side of the door.
No one wants to open that door.
But they do to let fresh air in because the room they were inside was eating them from the inside out.
AlphaTroll
1/27/04, 03:03am
Another case in point are the number of suicide bombers in the Islamic millitant groups who feel that they are servicing God by becoming martyrs. They too feel that they would shame their families if the do not succeed in their missions. I am not so sure that the times are very different - instead of the Japanese kamakazis of old we now have Islamic martyrs, willing to give their lives to ensure that their ultimate goal is achieved.
freako104
1/27/04, 05:17am
The mentality remains. Japan has one of the highest teen suicide rates because those who fail to finish HS there (In Japan HS is actually tough) commit suicide since without a HS degree they are doomed and feel they have dishonored their family. It also has one of the highest 65+ age suicide rate since old folks there feel they get in the way of the society and its progress and many commit suicide out of depression because their families abondon them.
I know honour was a big thing there I didnt know it was that bad tho
Another case in point are the number of suicide bombers in the Islamic millitant groups who feel that they are servicing God by becoming martyrs. They too feel that they would shame their families if the do not succeed in their missions. I am not so sure that the times are very different - instead of the Japanese kamakazis of old we now have Islamic martyrs, willing to give their lives to ensure that their ultimate goal is achieved.
I suppose that alot of people's actions would come from their education and environment.
I'm sure that if many of us were brought up in Islamic millitant groups then we would have a different view and we may become suicide bombers.
There will also be a large different between a child who grows up in Japan and gets taught the morals values of the Japanese as opposed to a child who grows up in America and gets taught the moral values of most Americans.
After all that, you'll have have those people who are suffering from depression etc.
So education, environment and mental health all contribute to the choices that these people make.
I'm nto sure if this post got anywhere...must eat.....candy...
IDLEchild
1/27/04, 04:01pm
I know honour was a big thing there I didnt know it was that bad tho
Yes it is. HS there is a torture and making it through is a big acomplishment and those who fail are distraught to no end (ironically college is easier there than HS).
Japan has a very strong mentality towards the benefit of society as opposed to American ideology os invidualism.
There is a saying in Japan "A nail that sticks out gets hammered down"
freako104
1/27/04, 04:13pm
I know they are much more based around the group succeeds than western ideas of individual succeeding. but I didnt know that saying and I had heard their school system is hell but I have also heard that said about pretty much all school systems east adn west
IDLEchild
1/27/04, 04:15pm
I know they are much more based around the group succeeds than western ideas of individual succeeding. but I didnt know that saying and I had heard their school system is hell but I have also heard that said about pretty much all school systems east adn west
Yeah, American kids have it Easy in HS...that is why those who fail to graduate HS make me weary of their character.
freako104
1/27/04, 04:23pm
same but they always complain
Sorry, Bish, but I don't follow you here. :confused: To go and start with a new identity somewhere implies that you still have hope. Many years ago I tried to kill myself, and it wasn't because I hated my family, friends, job, etc. It was because I no longer had any hope left in anything anywhere being better. There was no one and nothing that emotionally touched me; I was numb. Every suicide and every suicide attempt is different, but I honestly don't think most of those who do or attempt to are people that would have the necessary faith to start afresh. They are not interested in new beginnings, only ending the life they have.
What if you'd been given hope? Someone came along and said "I noticed that you're depressed all the time. What if I could help you make it all go away?" and he wasn't refering to drugs or alcohol. Could you have borrowed hope long enough to remove yourself from that bad place called hopelessness and taken the chance?
I'm just offering an alternative to suicide. Change! Radical change leading to a new hope, one that can be borrowed and kept.
Ms Ann Thrope
1/27/04, 05:38pm
No one gave me hope...and if they had I wouldn't have taken it. Hope has to come from within. I appreciate your sentiment Bish, but in my case there was nothing anyone could have said. And I know there are and were others like me. They don't communicate their pain, so it is difficult if not impossible for others to see something is wrong. Borrow hope? Change? Both acts imply faith in the future, and the people I've known (myself included) who suffer from depression lost that faith a long time ago.
freako104
1/27/04, 07:49pm
Mark I hate to sound cold but it is extremely hard to offer hope to someone in that condition. you can offer them something like friendship or something that they could hope for but chances are it wont help much. I am sorry to be so cold in that but I have found it to be a fact.
Ms Ann Thrope
1/27/04, 07:53pm
Mark I hate to sound cold but it is extremely hard to offer hope to someone in that condition. you can offer them something like friendship or something that they could hope for but chances are it wont help much. I am sorry to be so cold in that but I have found it to be a fact.
I have found this to be true, as well. Someone has to be willing to accept the hope s/he is being offered. And if s/he won't, and dies, it's no one's fault. It was his/her choice and s/he is entitled to make it, in my opinion. :shrug:
From my experience...
I've always been passive suicidal. Don't want to kill myself but I don't want to wake up each day either...I don't think there is much that could ever totally rid me of those feelings. Massive change can distract me from them for brief periods. But, as the new job/location/companion becomes more familiar, I drift back toward the same outlook. I hate change. But I find myself grasping at oppertunities to change when I'm in a low cycle. And it doesn't neccessarily have to be for the better. To those outside my brain, it probably seems erratic, irresponsible behavior...To me, its a matter of survival. I've held many jobs in my lifetime. And I've done well at most. But even the positions that I thoroughly enjoyed could not save me from my thoughts. Sooner or later, the cycle would swing low and I would need to change just to distract myself again..And I'd be starting over at the bottom of the heap in some position that I've not yet experienced....Often, the adjustment period is the only thing that keeps me going...Its been about 20 years since I actually had a 'passion' for life. Twenty years since I was trying to live instead of just exist. What I have I give freely to others of similar or greater need. Keeping just enough to continue to exist. If I'm not careful, I could quickly become a Ted Kasinky...I'm not all that far from it. I can only hope to stop being 'passive' about suicide before that happens.... As long as I can still make people laugh once in a while, I'll keep going..
I can empathize, Squggy. I crave stability, but I am constantly looking for new stimulation. When I find something new, I obsess, until I loose interest. Then I fall into a dark down period, until I find something new to obsess on. It's an up and down emotional cycle completely of my own creation.
I think that my children have become a bit of an anchor, in a way. Because of them, I still have the same job I had 8 years ago, and we have lived in the same apartment for 5. But other things...
Relationships and interests....those burn bright for a time, then pale, and I look for something new and shiny.
None of this is nearly to the extent you describe, but as I said, I can empathize. If you ever find a cure, lemme know, OK?
From my experience...
I've always been passive suicidal. Don't want to kill myself but I don't want to wake up each day either...I don't think there is much that could ever totally rid me of those feelings. Massive change can distract me from them for brief periods. But, as the new job/location/companion becomes more familiar, I drift back toward the same outlook. I hate change. But I find myself grasping at oppertunities to change when I'm in a low cycle. And it doesn't neccessarily have to be for the better. To those outside my brain, it probably seems erratic, irresponsible behavior...To me, its a matter of survival. I've held many jobs in my lifetime. And I've done well at most. But even the positions that I thoroughly enjoyed could not save me from my thoughts. Sooner or later, the cycle would swing low and I would need to change just to distract myself again..And I'd be starting over at the bottom of the heap in some position that I've not yet experienced....Often, the adjustment period is the only thing that keeps me going...Its been about 20 years since I actually had a 'passion' for life. Twenty years since I was trying to live instead of just exist. What I have I give freely to others of similar or greater need. Keeping just enough to continue to exist. If I'm not careful, I could quickly become a Ted Kasinky...I'm not all that far from it. I can only hope to stop being 'passive' about suicide before that happens.... As long as I can still make people laugh once in a while, I'll keep going..:alienhuh:
freako104
1/27/04, 11:23pm
From my experience...
I've always been passive suicidal. Don't want to kill myself but I don't want to wake up each day either...I don't think there is much that could ever totally rid me of those feelings. Massive change can distract me from them for brief periods. But, as the new job/location/companion becomes more familiar, I drift back toward the same outlook. I hate change. But I find myself grasping at oppertunities to change when I'm in a low cycle. And it doesn't neccessarily have to be for the better. To those outside my brain, it probably seems erratic, irresponsible behavior...To me, its a matter of survival. I've held many jobs in my lifetime. And I've done well at most. But even the positions that I thoroughly enjoyed could not save me from my thoughts. Sooner or later, the cycle would swing low and I would need to change just to distract myself again..And I'd be starting over at the bottom of the heap in some position that I've not yet experienced....Often, the adjustment period is the only thing that keeps me going...Its been about 20 years since I actually had a 'passion' for life. Twenty years since I was trying to live instead of just exist. What I have I give freely to others of similar or greater need. Keeping just enough to continue to exist. If I'm not careful, I could quickly become a Ted Kasinky...I'm not all that far from it. I can only hope to stop being 'passive' about suicide before that happens.... As long as I can still make people laugh once in a while, I'll keep going..
Joe you arent alone. there are others who know what thats like. :sadhug: i know thats not the most comforting thing but you aint alone mate.
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